““Trying to give examples of (narcissistic) abuse to someone who’s not experienced can be difficult (unless and/or until the behaviors are extraordinary: physical assault, cleaning out a bank account, causing someone to be fired from a job, things so extreme that they can’t be dismissed as “having a hard time” behavior). When you tell a friend, “My wife went out and bought a new car”, unless they’ve experienced financial abuse, they automatically assume you agreed (more or less) as a couple that a new car was reasonable. When you try to explain the context (like the fact that this same wife bitched when you got yourself regular haircuts and once spent $20 on ice cream for the kids), they assume that poor communication was the issue.

Because those are the struggles of normal relationships: misunderstandings, miscommunication, struggles to reach compromise. Normal relationships don’t have refusal to communicate and compromise. Normal people see bad behavior, they engage in poor behavior, but they don’t do it persistently. Explaining that every time you went out as a family, you dreaded to go home because your father would rage about “your behavior” as a seven year old is difficult to someone who’s parent scolded them once or twice. Everyone is sometimes unreasonable. To explain someone who’s unreasonable (or illogical, or even irrational) in many ways, almost all the time, is difficult, because it is usually reframed as an incident. Not normal operational procedure. There are going to be a lot of people who simply will not get it. They don’t want to. To try to imagine that environment is too uncomfortable.

Don’t subject yourself to that. Find people who understand, and don’t strive to defend your experience to people who don’t. Being misunderstood (whether well-intentioned or deliberately) is painful, and you’ve already had more than enough of that with the Narcissist." -Anonymous

Survival Diaries

"Not a Misunderstanding"