“Narcissist abuse is a most painful, traumatic, life altering form of psychological abuse one can endure that causes lifelong obstacles. It changes the trajectory of someone’s life path, it’s that damaging. For me, it was “the norm”, as I was born and raised by narcissistic parents; dad was the abusive, tyrant narcissist, and mom was the narcissist who never protected me. I did not know any different or any better. What i do know is that I never felt good enough, loved, protected, safe, supported, trusting, secure, happy, content, seen, heard, pretty, smart, significant, or worthy. I was conditioned by my parents from birth to feel unlovable. I mean if my parents couldn’t love me, who could ?? and if I couldn’t trust the person who birthed me (my mother) and the man who was supposed to protect me (my father), what chance did I have in this life to evolve into a healthy, whole, human? Zero.
From as long as i can remember, I knew I was different from the other kids at school, as I saw them confident, free, loved, and accepted. I always felt like an outsider looking in, observing others from afar, not fitting in. I always wanted to be like the pretty, cool girls. I always wished I was a daddy’s girl. I dreamed i had a mother i could turn to and depend on emotionally. Time and time again, when i didn’t think my parents could be any colder, crueler, or sink any lower, they proved how ruthless and detached they were.
The narcissistic abuse i endured as a child, groomed me to subconsciously be attracted to abusive guys my entire life. I have yet to have a healthy intimate relationship. I repeatedly find myself in physically or psychologically (sometimes both) abusive romantic relationships that mirrored what i was conditioned to believe my whole life. The voice in my head says, “you’re ugly, you’re stupid, you’re a loser, you’re insignificant, you’re not good enough, you’re not worthy !!”
As much as i try to change the way i feel about myself, i just can’t.
I have had numerous plastic surgeries and diets and exercise to “be beautiful “, and nothing will ever fill the void, or erase the self- doubt, that narcissistic abuse creates. The only people who have truly loved me are my staunchest defenders; my 2 beautiful sons. It was when i became a mother that i experienced this thing called love. Narcissistic abuse is and should be a crime.” -Anonymous
Survival Diaries
"Changes the Trajectory of Someone's Life Path"